Best of Late Night

Kimmel doubted that Donald Trump would stick to his game plan of not interrupting President Biden, saying, “His discipline is unmatched!”

“Then they got a text from Trump that said, ‘Throuple?’” Fallon joked on Wednesday.

“I’m starting to think Trump writes his name on buildings just so he can remember where he lives,” Jimmy Fallon said.

“The sad thing is under MAGA law, his name is now Ronny Johnson,” Jon Stewart said after Trump referred to his former doctor, Ronny Jackson, by the wrong name.

“They always return to the scene of the crime,” Jimmy Kimmel said after the former president met with House Republicans on Thursday.

“Yeah, the president is in Italy for the G7 Summit, or as Fox News put it: ‘Biden Flees Country After Hunter Convicted,’” Fallon said.

“Wow, frankly, I’m shocked — we’re actually enforcing gun laws in America,” Jordan Klepper said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”

“Things got off to a rough start when Trump offered the probation officer $130,000,” Jimmy Fallon joked.

“He likes people who are rich and have hot wives,” Fallon said. “Well, at least he’s taking this seriously.”

“You heard that right, ladies and gentlemen: Joe Biden is old,” Colbert said of a Wall Street Journal article on the president’s aptitude.

“The Daily Show” host Ronny Chieng joked that the president “has decided to start trying to win the election” with a temporary order affecting asylum seekers.

Colbert showed off his “Countdown to Sentencing Advent Calendar,” which contained a bottle of bourbon.

“Did this guy get a two-for-one deal at the MAGA flag store?” Michael Kosta said of the Supreme Court justice on Thursday’s “The Daily Show.”

President Biden “sent an elite team of ultraliberal F.B.I. agents to assassinate Donald Trump, but somehow he slipped out the back door,” Kimmel joked on Wednesday.

Jimmy Fallon said Trump wanted to take the stand in his criminal case on Tuesday, “but then he saw it was three steps without a handrail.”

Colbert joked that Alito “dropped a dime on his gal” when the Supreme Court justice blamed his wife for the flying of an upside-down American flag at their home shortly after Jan. 6.

Meyers joked that “sitting front row at the Trump trial must be like the MAGA version of sitting courtside at a Knicks game.”

“Just like that, they’re going head to head, toe to toe, mano a mango,” Stephen Colbert said of two forthcoming presidential debates in June and September.

Fallon thanked his wife, his kids, “and, most of all, my lawyer, Michael Cohen.”

Michael Cohen’s testimony gave the host plenty of fodder, especially when he described Donald Trump speculating about going back “on the market.”