Jimmy Kimmel Isn’t Expecting an Apology From Aaron Rodgers

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On his first show of the new year, Jimmy Kimmel addressed recent comments that the N.F.L. quarterback Aaron Rodgers made about him in connection with Jeffrey Epstein. During an appearance on ESPN’s “The Pat McAfee Show” last Tuesday, Rodgers insinuated that Kimmel was nervous about the publication of some court documents because they would reveal a link between Kimmel and Epstein.

On Monday night, Kimmel said Rodgers might actually believe his “false and very damaging statements,” but that the more likely scenario is “he doesn’t actually believe that — he just said it because he’s mad at me for making fun of his topknot and his lies about being vaccinated.”

Kimmel cited Rodgers’ “Thanksgiving Day Parade-sized ego” as part of the problem and said he wasn’t expecting an apology, but he did want to differentiate between the jokes made on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and flat-out lies.

“We say a lot of things on this show — we don’t make up lies. In fact, we have a team of people who work very hard to sift through the facts and reputable sources before I make a joke, and that’s an important distinction. A joke about someone — even when that someone is Donald Trump. Even a person who lies from the minute he wakes up until the minute he’s smearing orange makeup on his MyPillow at night — even he deserves that consideration, and we give it to him. Because the truth still matters, and when I do get something wrong, which happens on rare occasions, you know what I do? I apologize for it, which is what Aaron Rodgers should do, which is what a decent person would do. But I bet he won’t. If he does, you know what I’ll do? I’ll accept his apology and move on.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“But here’s the thing: I spent years doing sports. I’ve seen guys like him before. Aaron Rodgers has a very high opinion of himself. Because he had success on the football field, he believes himself to be an extraordinary being. He genuinely thinks that because God gave him the ability to throw a ball, he’s smarter than everyone else. The idea that his brain is just average is unfathomable to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“We learned during Covid somehow he knows more about science than scientists. A guy who went to community college then got into Cal on a football scholarship and didn’t graduate; someone who never spent a minute studying the human body is an expert in the field of immunology.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Aaron got two A’s on his report card — they were both in the word ‘Aaron,’ OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“They let him host ‘Jeopardy’ for two weeks, now he knows everything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Revisionist History Edition)

“Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley is facing criticism after she recently failed to cite slavery as the leading cause of the Civil War. Not only that, she’s facing a D in social studies.” — SETH MEYERS

“Judges? Oh, no, I’m sorry. The answer we were looking for was ‘slavery.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Oh, yes, she had Black friends, but then they heard her opinion on what caused the Civil War.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Yes, slavery is the obvious answer to ‘What caused the Civil War?’ Just like ‘Donald Trump’ is the obvious answer to ‘What caused Civil War 2?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT