Dear Boss,
Last month, I began an interview process for a job that would almost double my current salary. I have ten years of experience in my field, but my current employer’s salaries are not competitive and I don’t see a clear path for advancement. This new position would be a promotion in title and come with the ability to manage a small team and build a program. This seems like the opportunity of a lifetime to leap up the career ladder and would alleviate many of my family’s financial constraints at the same time.
Two weeks into the interview process, I discovered I was pregnant. I have not told the recruiting firm nor the potential employer. Now a finalist, I will be flying in to do an on-site visit next week since the position is in a different state (and would require my family to sell our house and move to a new city).
I am aware that the employer will likely be disappointed to find out I’m expecting. They want someone to “hit the ground running” in the role, which has been vacant for several months. I know that legally I am entitled to proceed with the process, and that sharing my pregnancy at this point in the process will likely lead them to choose another candidate, though they won’t necessarily say that explicitly. I am willing to risk their temporary disappointment for the long-term benefits of this opportunity.
I should also note that I am almost 40 years old and while my partner and I were trying to get pregnant, we didn’t expect it to happen without fertility assistance, which we were beginning to explore with a specialist. We desperately want to have this child. We have miscarried in the past, and so I am also cautious about sharing this news too early, knowing that these early weeks are extremely uncertain.
I am also aware that if I take maternity leave soon after being hired at a new company, I will not be covered by FMLA, per their benefits policies. I have read that it might be advantageous to share the pregnancy news at the negotiation part of the offer process, in order to negotiate some paid maternity leave. I have also read the opposite, with advice saying to never share the pregnancy news until the offer is in writing and signed by all parties.
My plan is to proceed with the interview process as though I were not pregnant. If I am selected for the position, when should I reveal my pregnancy? Do you think it’s ethical to pursue an ambitious job while pregnant? Do you think it’s possible to navigate a new position with a new baby?
First and foremost: You are absolutely entitled to pursue a new job while you’re pregnant, and you are not required to disclose your pregnancy at any point of the interview process.
That protection is enshrined in federal law — specifically in the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, which makes it illegal to treat a job applicant unfavorably because of pregnancy. It prohibits discrimination based on pregnancy not only in hiring but also in firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoffs, training, benefits (like leave and health insurance), and “any other term or condition of employment.” The Pregnant Workers Fairness Act also requires employers to provide reasonable accommodations to pregnant applicants and employees.
The reason we have that law is because discrimination against pregnant people is common. Employers may prefer not to deal with you taking maternity leave or potentially using sick leave after that to care for a baby. And, importantly, like other forms of discrimination, much of this bias happens unconsciously. An interviewer might truly think of themselves as family-friendly and supportive of women and still blanch at hearing that a job candidate will need to take a few months of leave soon after starting — and could hold that against you when considering your candidacy, deliberately or not.
Once you have a job offer, though, it usually does make sense to disclose the pregnancy so you can try to negotiate for whatever amount of maternity leave you’re hoping for (especially since, as you point out, FMLA won’t apply until you’ve worked there for a year). At that point the employer can’t legally rescind the offer over the news, and you can have a more open discussion about your plans and what you’ll need.
A lot of people in your shoes worry about the relationship side of this, thinking, for example, Sure, I’m legally entitled not to share the news earlier, but won’t the hiring manager feel deceived if I don’t tell them until I’ve been offered the job? Do I want to start off the relationship that way?
Instead, look at it this way: You’re actually doing employers a favor by not disclosing your pregnancy until you have an offer. They can’t legally consider the information, so it’s better for everyone if they simply don’t have it. That way it can’t unconsciously influence them and, if you don’t get the job, you aren’t left wondering if it’s because you were pregnant (and they won’t have to worry that you’ll be wondering that). If an employer resents that you didn’t tell them earlier, what they’re really saying is that they wanted the opportunity to factor that information into their thinking earlier — i.e., that they might have chosen to break the law and not hire you because of it. It’s also not a great sign about what they’ll be like to work for if they expect pregnant candidates to make themselves vulnerable to legal discrimination just to benefit the company.
Your other question was whether it’s possible to navigate a new job with a new baby. It’s certainly possible; many people do it. Whether it makes sense for you is a different question. Some people do choose to stay in less-than-ideal jobs when they’re pregnant or have a new baby, figuring that both things will be easier to navigate while working somewhere familiar — and somewhere where they themselves are a known quantity (because when people already know you and your work, they can be more willing to give you grace when you’re stretched thin, not getting enough sleep, and/or needing more time off). You also might be entitled to benefits at your current company that you wouldn’t qualify for immediately at a new one. Other people decide the trade-offs in switching jobs are worth it. You’ll need to balance all the factors in play: the benefits of the old job versus the new and how much flexibility you get at your current job versus your sense of what you’ll get at the new one, as well as how an increased salary might smooth out any imbalance there, like by enabling you to hire extra help.
Ultimately, you get to do what’s best for you. You’re not obligated, legally or ethically, to disclose a pregnancy during the hiring process until you decide it would serve your interests to do so.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email [email protected] (and read our submission terms here).
