(Credit: René Ramos; Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock.com)
Separating offline and online friends isn't possible for today's kids. Teens are connected to everything and everyone at all times. They use the internet all day at school; at home, the online world is where they consume entertainment, establish relationships, and begin creating their identities. According to a global survey from McAfee, many teens begin using the internet regularly on their mobile devices between ages 15 and 16.
It's an early age to experience a lot of what the internet offers, but what's a parent to do? You can keep track of every website they visit, or review each video they watch on YouTube, but experts say constant monitoring via invasive parental control apps teaches kids to try to get around restrictions and erodes trust between parent and child. The better alternative is to talk to your kids first, and then use the free parental controls built into the operating system on your phone or computer to enforce agreed-upon rules for online content. Initiating these kinds of conversations can be awkward, so read on for ideas for chatting with your teens to learn more about their online lives.
Learn How to Protect Your Family Online
I spoke with Sachin Puri, vice president of marketing for McAfee, about the results of the security company's 2022 Connected Family Study. He told me kids want to avoid common online dangers such as cyberbullying, online account theft, and unauthorized use of personal data, but they may not know how to stay safe. Puri said, "Of the people surveyed, 73% of the children said they look to their parents for resources to help them stay protected online."
Understanding the habits and behavior of family members online is only going to help everybody in the family.
Teens want to be protected online, so they'll make that job easy for their parents, right? Of course not.
The study shows that more than half of the teen respondents (59%) say they hide their online activity by clearing their browser histories, hiding or deleting chat messages and videos, browsing in Incognito mode, using a device their parents don't check, or simply lying or omitting details about what they are doing online in conversations with their parents. So, what can adults do to find out what taciturn teens are experiencing online?
Unlocking the Secret Lives of Teens Online
Start with a long, nonjudgmental chat. Puri said, "Parents have to create an environment where kids feel comfortable for these open and transparent conversations about online activity. Understanding the habits and behavior of family members online is only going to help everybody in the family. It may be a conversation about limiting the time on gaming devices, or it may be a conversation about installing software to keep everybody protected."
If you aren't sure how to start a (potentially) tough conversation with your child about their online habits, you aren't alone! Most parents didn't get "the talk" about online safety when they were kids. The Family Online Safety Institute offers free digital parenting resources such as conversation starters, media literacy courses, and guidelines for avoiding toxic online behavior.
I suggest a rather unconventional but fun approach: Ask your teen about a seemingly unrelated topic, such as, "Do you think aliens exist?" After they answer, ask them why they believe whatever they believe. If they offer online resources to support their claim, you may get to see the kinds of content they're watching on TikTok and YouTube. Most conversational roads lead back to online life for today's kids, so asking them unexpected questions about their daily lives may lead to revelations about the apps they use to entertain themselves and the people they choose to interact with online.
Create an Online Family Safety Plan
Parents also need to consider their own online safety routines. The survey showed just 56% of parents say they protect their phone with a password. That number drops to 42% for phones owned by their children. Failing to protect devices or online accounts with the best security available can result in data theft if your teen's unlocked smart device is lost or stolen or if their accounts are compromised.
Lock down your family’s mobile devices with a PIN or other protection like facial recognition or a fingerprint scan. For apps, use multi-factor authentication wherever possible. Use a password manager to keep track of all your family’s online credentials, install an antivirus to keep teens from accidentally infecting your home devices with malware while they browse, and use free parental control software to block younger kids from accessing dangerous websites in the first place.
The Best Parental Controls
McAfee's study found that 15% of children also experienced attempted account theft, while 28% of parents reported it happening to them. An identity protection service monitors your family’s accounts and personal info for unauthorized or suspicious activity.
Beware AI Chatbots
The emergence of online AI tools with image, text, and video generation capabilities is also cause for concern for parents and other adult caregivers. Researchers noted in August of 2023 that ChatGPT's traffic dropped considerably when most children in the United States were out of school during the summer. Parents should remind kids to be careful using AI-based tools for school work because often, the answers provided are dead wrong. Also, parents shouldn't rely on teachers to catch cheaters; OpenAI representatives say apps designed to detect ChatGPT-generated text do not work.
It's also worth noting that another US Presidential election is coming up soon, and that means misinformation will run rampant on social media. Set a good example for your teens: read news stories from well-established publications and use common sense grounded in reality to ensure you aren't ensnared by fake news yourself. Teach your kids to look out for AI-generated deep-faked audio, photos and videos, and AI-generated news reports containing factual errors that support sensational claims.
Combat Cyberbullying and Social Engineering Scams
Puri told me that teaching all kids how to respond to threats such as cyberbullying, hacking, and phishing attempts is important. He said, "Our study finds girls are usually more protected by their parents online than boys, but it is boys who encounter more issues online.
About 23% of the parents say they will check the browsing and email history on their 10 to 14-year-old daughter's PC. For boys, it's only 16%. This disparity appears again, where 22% of parents restrict access to certain sites for girls and only 16% for boys. We have to do better. We have to protect all children. I recommend that parents have a plan so that you can set the priorities of what steps need to be taken as a family together."
It's Surprisingly Easy to Be More Secure Online
In the McAfee survey, children as young as ten reported incidents of cyberbullying. Let your kids know they should report any upsetting online interactions to an adult they trust. It's also wise to set a good example for the children in your life and engage less often and less publicly on social media platforms.
Social engineering scams are similar to phishing incidents. Scammers typically steal personal information from people on social media to blackmail them for financial gain, impersonate them on another platform, or steal money by impersonating someone else. Romance scams are particularly successful, and with the rise of dating apps, young people are victimized in greater numbers. Instill a healthy dose of skepticism in your children and encourage them to approach online interactions with a degree of caution.
Remember: Online Safety Must Be Taught
No one is born knowing exactly how to interact with people safely offline or online. Just as parents teach kids to keep a physical distance from strangers and refrain from bullying their peers in person, kids also need to learn online etiquette and safety from their parents.
When your teen gets unrestricted access to a computer, phone, or tablet, they need boundaries to prevent screen time overload and safe spaces to talk about online harassment. Parents can provide guidelines and help for kids when the child feels comfortable asking for aid.
For more information about parenting in a digital world, check out our suggestions for teaching kids the cybersecurity basics.
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