Planning Their Proposals, Together

For many couples, a wedding proposal suggests an element of surprise. One partner typically chooses the location and the activity, sometimes even inviting family and friends to join in the celebration. The other partner is often left initially stunned.

But there are those who decide to forgo the traditional surprise proposal altogether, choosing instead to propose to one another at the same time. In doing so, each person has a chance to express love for the other, and the couple still has a romantic moment.

Amber Walker, who runs Amber Walker Events, an event-planning company in Toronto and Los Angeles, says that her business has seen an uptick in clients who are seeking joint proposals. “A lot of times they already know they’re going to get married,” she said, “but they want to be able to have that romantic experience still and propose to one another.”

Of the roughly 300 to 400 proposals Ms. Walker and her team planned last year, about 30 to 40 were joint proposals. (A recent study from the wedding website the Knot found that 8 percent of L.G.B.T.Q. couples and 1 percent of heterosexual couples chose to have joint proposals in 2023.)

Ms. Walker says that many of her couples still get emotional. “Often our clients think, I’m not going to cry — and then they’re in the moment and they are crying,” she said. “You’re seeing all that flashback of those emotions that are throughout your relationship, all in that one moment.”

So, what do these proposals look like, and how do couples choose to do them?

For Elissa Bonito and Theo Iyer, their proposal involved a cross-country trip, letter writing and eventually a surprise — just not for them.