Real cognitohazards are everywhere

One of the cooler bits of recurring lore in the SCP Foundation - and this is really saying something - are cognitohazards. Everyone knows that a bad idea can lead to harm – like the urge to lick a streetlamp in a snowstorm – but cognitohazards go further.

Just thinking a cognitohazard can harm you – even kill you.

The SCP Foundation uses cognitohazards to protect its sensitive documents. If you’re not inoculated against it, then the image in the file in front of you will scramble your brain. Some powerful anomalies give off hazards just by writing, speaking or existing.

Like I say, it’s a cool idea. It’s pure Lovecraftian, the idea that some ideas are so unthinkable that they’ll wreck your brain if you try.

But is it real?

Do cognitohazards exist?

Yes.

There are thoughts that can harm you just by thinking them. Even if you don’t act on them, even if you know they’re stupid, it doesn’t matter. Like a lump of plutonium, it’s dangerous even when it just sits there.

“Well, what are some of these real cognitohazards?”

… why do you want to read a phrase that… can hurt you… by reading it…? Maybe rethink that impulse.

In any case, I haven’t found a cognitohazard that’s both potent and applicable to everyone, thank God. I know some phrases that, said in the right (?) way, can psychologically wreck a certain sort of person. So I could mention a phrase, only for you to shrug and roll your eyes because it’s not one that affects you.

That doesn’t mean the phrase isn’t dangerous to others, though. It’s not like in the SCP Foundation – they won’t cause you to drop dead on the spot – but they can cause immediate, lasting and significant harm just by hearing them.

No, I’m not going to share these phrases. These are weapons. If I share them, then folks will be using them on each other on social media. They already try, grasping for whatever malformed weapons of words they can find. It’s lucky how the typical person is terrible at psychology and influence.

Instead, I’ll share some of the milder, more widely applicable cognitohazards that’re already out there. There’s no harm in that because you’ve already heard them - maybe even today.

Besides, you need to learn how to defend yourself against these. How can I prepare you if you don’t know what they are?

Let’s begin your inoculation against these lesser hazards.

“The Earth would be better off without people”

You hear this one a lot. Just reading, hearing or thinking this causes immediate and lasting harm. Not significant harm, but many small cuts make a deep wound.

It should be obvious why treating humans as irredeemable scum is a bad idea. With that idea in the back of your mind, why would you better yourself? Learn anything? Get in shape? Get married? Have kids? Get out of bed in the morning?

Folks who say this think they’re being deep and philosophical – even self-sacrificing – but it’s childish and selfish. What, you think a thousand generations suffered, endured and died just for you to give up?

“Without humans, nature can repair itself.” Who says that’s the only option? We’ve proven to be great at restoring – and occasionally even improving – the natural environment when we want to. We can coexist with the Earth, so why does your mind drift towards mass suicide? What inner bleakness leads you to that as the best idea?

Are you planting trees and nurturing wildlife? If so, how can you say that all humans are only bad for the environment? You’re living proof that you’re wrong. If not, what gives you the right to judge everyone by your own selfishness and laziness?

I don’t believe that humans are bad for the planet. If you do, why do you automatically side with nature? Without people, the Earth is an empty garden with no one to appreciate it, doomed to die off when the Sun expands and bakes the planet dry. That’s not so great either.

If humans and nature can’t coexist, then that means we need to invest in space travel and get off the planet. Good news, we’re working on that. And wherever we go, we’ll bring nature with us. Earth’s trees can’t spread among the stars on their own but they will with our help.

By the way, who’s telling you that the Earth would be better off without us? What’s their motive? If they really believe that, why should you listen to a human talking to humans about how bad humans are? That’s as credible as a butcher eating a steak while talking up veganism.

Maybe they have something more sinister in mind. After all, it’s not like that belief is doing you any good, now, is it?

My take on this? I think humans are part of nature – and a damn special part at that. Yeah, obviously, it would be better if we strode with a lighter touch, but it’s not like we’re alien visitors over here. Like all animals, we draw our food, water and breath from nature – and give back in kind. Unlike animals, we can appreciate what we’re doing.

If nature is beautiful, awesome and majestic, shouldn’t there be people to appreciate it?

“I don’t want to bring kids into this world”

There are plenty of excellent reasons to choose to go childless. You might not be financially or psychologically up to the task. You might have genetic issues you don’t want to risk passing on.

Maybe having children doesn’t do anything for you.

It’s your life and your choice.

But I hope you have better reasons than kids are annoying and well, the world is doomed anyway.

Kids are annoying, huh? Is that all they are? Is that all you were when you were younger? And do you judge everyone in your life based on how they gratify your emotions? That can’t be because that sounds absurd.

What would a loving parent say to that? Would they maybe say that nothing in life is perfect and the good here strongly outweighs the bad?

And are you sure you won’t grow to love their energy and enthusiasm?

As for not wanting to bring children into a doomed world…

God, I bet you’re fun at parties. If the world is doomed, then why are you doing anything? Why go to work when anything you achieve will amount to nothing? Why make friends with imminent corpses?

You don’t live your life as though you expect the world to end. So why is that your basis for not having children?

And here’s a thought – maybe the world is doomed because folks like you have given up on it. You stop trying to fix the problems then gnash your teeth as they grow. Well done on predicting a future you’re creating. Very impressive.

We’ve solved big problems before, usually by combining the wisdom of older generations with the vitality of younger ones. Having children might just help save the world.

Either way, that all misses the point. Say the world ends tomorrow in a nuclear firestorm. Does that mean you were better off not being born? If you see a short life as a pointless life, aren’t you spitting in the face of everyone who’s suffered tragedy and loss?

Try saying that at a funeral. “They didn’t live to 83, therefore their life was without meaning.” Go on, I dare you.

Thinking that the world is doomed can’t be making you happy. It doesn’t make you smile at a sunrise. It doesn’t inspire you to raise tools to fix things. So why believe it? “Because it’s true!” Are you listening to certifiables who think they can predict the future? If you know what’s coming next, why aren’t you rich? “I believe we’re doomed because I can’t see any way for humans to survive long-term.” Ah, and you got your degree in applied eschatology from where? Just because you can’t see a rosy future, I guess there isn’t one for any of us, you sparkling gem of a genius who knows all and sees all.

Everyone has lived “close to the end of days”, at least in their minds. Everyone else has gotten on with making the world better and living as though the future matters. If you alone have given up, what more proof do you need that a cognitohazard is eating you alive from the inside?

“I suck”

Really? I’ve never met anyone so clear and simple before – you must be really special. The rest of us are shades of grey, with moments of good and evil, brilliance and folly, but not you, huh?

Who told you that you suck? How would they know? They clearly don’t understand how complex people and life are, because it’s never so straightforward.

“But I fail at everything I try!” Great! Then try to fail and you’ll succeed. I do notice you intended to express a sentiment there and did so successfully, though, so I guess you don’t fail at everything.

The fact that you struggle at some things is great. Imagine life came easy to you. Imagine you’re Superman and you have to stop an ordinary bank robbery happening right in front of you. Great, that kept you busy for a fraction of a second – now what?

You might resent folks born into wealth and power, but shouldn’t you pity them instead? They can coast through life in a daydream, protected from all harm and consequences. Meanwhile, you’re here in the real world with the rest of us. You know what it’s like to not have what it takes and keep trying anyway. You’re building strength, wisdom and character, while they’re just buying Porches out of boredom.

If you think you suck, then you know you’ve failed at things. Again, great! A hermit doesn’t know if he can get a girlfriend and a video game addict living in their father’s basement doesn’t know if they can get a promotion. If you failed, then there was a chance of success, which means you’re in the game.

Not everyone is. Plenty of folks have checked out.

Besides, I bet your self-defeatist talk is far too broad. I suck is absurdly broad and you’re not smart enough to make such sweeping statements. Right now, I appear to be sucking at this one thing – yeah, that’s more likely. Welcome to the club. Everyone’s a member.

Whoever wants you to feel down about things doesn’t have your interests at heart. I don’t know what they want, but it’s clearly not worth listening to them. Screw them and focus instead on what you can be doing better.

The Real Cognitohazards Survival Guide

I could go on, but you get the idea. Many real cognitohazards – the minor and common ones, anyway – are similar enough that you get figure it out from there.

They all have a few things in common.

One of the less obvious commonalities?

Failures of Sentience leave you vulnerable to them.

I didn’t write Your Story Isn’t About You – my guide to overcoming the pervasive cognitive glitch that’s holding you back – with cognitohazards in mind. 

But there are plenty of similarities.

Both are more common than most folks realise.

Both cause you harm.

The key difference is that Failures of Sentience stop you seeing the world as it is. It creates a childlike view of things – not sweet, creative and wholesome, but immature, self-centred and prone to tantrums.

This stops you seeing things how others see them.

And is probably why you struggle with relationships, career, sales and persuading others to see things your way.

If you can’t reach people – if they seem so alien and distant – it’s because Failures of Sentience are in the way.

You can improve any and all relationships by reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You. As a nice bonus, your resistance to many real cognitohazards will rise.

Best of all, you can grab it for free by signing up to my email list right here:

https://antipater.page/