‘IF only I knew then what I know now.” We’ve all heard that before, usually uttered wistfully by an older person as he gazes creepily at a pack of college girls. Co-eds aside, what exactly is it that the more senior members of the human race know that younger ones don’t? What is that one magical nugget of information – mined over many decades – that will unlock the world of dating and relationships? In the spirit of Christmas and, you know, truth and stuff, we decided to ask. The Post stopped by retirement community The Village at 46th Street and 10th Avenue to quiz a few seniors on what it is exactly that they know now that they wish they knew then.
Barbara Gubelman
Age: Do you wanna get smacked?
Formerly: Taught high school Latin classes
Bottom-line advice: Don’t be smart and stuff.
“Men are invariably fond of females with a certain amount of mind, but never prove you have more than he.”
Ruth Selman
Age: Why, I never!
Formerly: Served in the Army medical corps
Bottom-line advice: Know when to fold ’em.
“I don’t believe that people really get together for the right reasons. They just accidentally happen to meet, and then a relationship continues. They have to know when a relationship should end. In my family, my mother and father fought constantly. They were not well-matched. They didn’t talk to each other for days . . . sometimes for five days. My brother and I suffered because of that. My mother would say, ‘Go tell your father that dinner is on the table.’ That was very bad.”
Warren Halliday
Age: Next question
Formerly: Worked in data processing
Bottom-line advice: Play on, playa.
“Date for a long time and don’t make any decisions quickly. Get to know each other, get to know what she likes – get to know as much about each other as you can. A couple years is good, but it could be longer. I’m that kind of guy, that’s my style.”
Peggy Keating
Age: Pays less than you at the movies
Formerly: Worked as a fashion art rep
Bottom-line advice: Don’t sprint to the altar.
“As far as life’s choices, I realize I’ve always been willing to go with events. You do things casually that you shouldn’t be so casual about. I wish there had been more discipline, more structure. It would be much better to date now. It’s more casual, and I think an awful lot of people gather in groups. They’re more inclined toward that kind of camaraderie instead of doubling up, and that’s your life. It’s always kind of sad. My best friend met a boy in high school and she married that boy, and it really restricted her development. She had been a wonderful singer, and she was smart, and I always felt there was so much she could have done for herself. Getting married early is a very bad idea. Now, it makes a lot more sense to wait.”
Pearl Neier
Age: Not a chance
Formerly: Worked as a benefit authorizer for Social Security
Bottom-line advice: Find your own great communicator.
“I don’t think men really listen. You may talk, they don’t hear you. I don’t know how to get them to listen. I’ve never found out. You may talk, and they may say, ‘Uh huh,’ but I don’t think they ever hear you. I was married for 55 years. He was a wonderful man, but I’m not going to say he ever really listened. I never wanted to be a housewife. I don’t like cooking or cleaning, and I was not overly fond of children. I don’t think he heard me. But I did have three children. If I had to do it my way, I don’t think I would have. I would have gone in a different direction. It’s important to find a man who listens. I would have been happier outside, working.”
Kurt Bieber
Age: Old enough to know better
Formerly: A stage and screen actor
Bottom-line advice: Don’t get seduced by the single life.
“I probably would have settled down more and had some kids. I just think it would have been nice to have a family. Everybody at my lunch table has daughters and sons, and they all come visit them. I’m the only one who doesn’t. I’m a little bit envious. It dawned on me when we were 60. But I was a playboy. I was running around with everyone all the time. I got in all the places, I never paid for anything. It was a great time. I was going to every disco and getting drunk every night, which I don’t recommend. I was out two or three nights a week at Studio 54. You didn’t leave until 10 the next morning. It never occurred to me to settle down. Everyone I knew who was married was having a hard time making relationships work. It’s only now that I look back and wonder what it might have been like.”
Lillian Horowitz
Age: None of your damn business
Formerly: Kindergarten teacher
Bottom line-advice: Be strong, girl!
“Be independent of men. Make sure – I can’t emphasize it enough – before you enter into a relationship, [that you’re] independent. Make sure you can live by yourself. Whether it takes good money or skill, get it. Put it in your belt and keep it. Don’t depend on anyone. And check out your intended spouse with the police. That’s not a bad idea.”
Shep Greenberg
Age: Ageless
Formerly: Worked in market research
Bottom-line advice: Take a chance.
“When I think about the things that I do regret, almost entirely, it’s things that I thought about doing and didn’t – as opposed to things that I did and regretted doing. Erring on the side of conservatism has led to the least fun in my life. There were times that I should have asked for the date and found a reason not to do so. The things I remember are more trivial, but they would have been nice memories.”
Elisa Cannava
Age: Ha!
Formerly: Owned a Bronx pastry shop
Bottom-line advice: Old-fashioned is good.
“My daughter just called me. It’s so funny. She’s in her 50s, and she met this man from Scotland. She says, ‘Mother, he’s the first guy I met who doesn’t . . . ‘ – I can’t say it to you! It’s not right. Men usually think with their [gestures downward]. But she says, ‘This guy doesn’t. He’s an old-fashioned guy.’ He’s the guy that brings you flowers. It’s wonderful. This isn’t necessarily what people should be looking for. It should be about respecting one another.”
Rose Casamassina
Age: Seriously, do you wanna get smacked?
Formerly: Worked in school cafeteria
Bottom-line advice: Father doesn’t know best.
“Don’t listen to your parents. Do what you want to do. Who my parents wanted for me was the wrong thing. Every time I dated somebody else, they made it miserable for me. This guy was a neighborhood guy, and they knew him. That made it important for them. I was shy, and I didn’t deal well with men. Shyness is terrible; I wish I had been more outgoing. I would have done everything so differently.”