THEY say you are what you eat. Which means Plaxico Burress, the idiot Giants wide receiver who shot himself in the thigh to save his drink, is recklessly high in fat, off the charts in carbs, brimming with booze and fooling no one with his salad selection.
Above all, he is cheap.
MORE: Doc Benched In Giant Boo Boo
MORE: Giants Boot Plax For Rest Of Year
SCHWARTZ: His Days With Big Blue Are Over
On the evening Mr. Fast Hands clumsily blew a hole in his leg at a Midtown nightclub, Plaxico did not dine at some Frenchified Manhattan cafe. Turns out, he was telling the truth – partly – when he told personnel at New York-Cornell hospital that the accident was set in motion at an Applebee’s chain restaurant.
Plaxico, who can afford any chop joint worth its Michelin star, chose to chow down in a down-market, family-friendly rib-and-chip emporium near the Jersey Meadowlands, where an entrée can be purchased for under 12 bucks – along with his grinning teammate Domenik Hixon.
I asked Hixon yesterday what he liked on the menu.
“Everything!” he immediately gushed. “I’m a big fan of Applebee’s!”
Applebee’s No. 1 fan was at Mount Sinai Medical Center yesterday with teammates Steve Smith and Mario Manningham and former Giant Ottis Anderson, trying to do some good for the guys who look up to them like gods.
They were using their faces to convince men to take care of health issues, such as high blood pressure, bladder control and erectile dysfunction, none of which is known to improve with an Applebee’s diet.
Hixon signed reams of autographs, and never lost his smile as he tried to deflect questions about his doltish pal Plaxico.
But he was sure to insist to me that his night out with the Plax ended in the Applebee’s parking lot in Jersey, and he had no role in the bloodshed that followed. Can you blame him?
He has, however, spoken to Plaxico since Burress blew up his delicate self.
“I think he’s taking it day by day,” Hixon said of his pal.
The crowd was on his side.
“He messed up a couple of times,” said hospital worker Charles Henley, who lined up for autographs. “They’re gonna forgive him,” said Henley. “I love him, too!”
The players later recorded a television show for hospitalized children.
“Stay in school,” said Hixon. “Definitely – don’t do drugs! And have fun when you play.”
He didn’t warn kids to stay out of nightclubs that suck up to celebs. And keep clear of loaded guns.
The fans don’t want to hear about that.