KAROLINA Kurkova is fat.
Now, you might not be able to tell this watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show tonight (10 p.m. on CBS) from the comfort of your apartment, but I was in Miami for the taping last month, so I know.
The woman sitting next to me at the show said so.
“She really porked out,” whispered the woman – no great prize herself. “It’s good she dropped a little bit of weight, but really…”
This about the girl who just told us she keeps trim by drinking a special juice concoction twice a day and snacking on precisely
10 nuts.
“I eat very clean and fresh. I wake up and I have a green juice with a little protein powder and glutamine mixed in. Then two hours later I have two hard-boiled eggs,” says Kurkova, hiking up her printed wrap dress and plopping down on the concrete floor next to us.
“Then, two or three hours later I’ll have 10 nuts, like walnuts or almonds. Then I’ll have grilled fish with vegetables and salads. And then again, a green juice. I just keep it simple.”
Her preshow ritual is a little more intense. We’re talking no carbs, no wheat and three hours of exercise a day.
Honestly, we can’t feel too bad for her.
We’d be pretty happy with nuts too if we were raking in mad cash for a few hours on a runway.
For her ninth show, Kurkova joined Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosia and a bunch of other heifers on the glitter runway in an impressive collection of elaborate ribbon wings, teeny-tiny thongs and leather harnesses for the annual panty-raid held this year at the newly renovated Fontainebleau Resort.
And this year, she’s no angel.
“I have no wings, thank God,” Kurkova exclaims.
“Those things are heavy! Last year they weighed like 30 pounds and took four people to strap it to me. And then I had to carry it on my little body, in 7-inch heels while walking on an uneven sparkly runway while Seal was performing.”
It must have been the Seal-singing that really made things tough.
Watch tonight for Kurkova’s three outfits: a goddess-inspired lace push-up bra and thong, Juliette Meurisse feather cuff and a brown leather harness by Fleet Ilya; a vintage teddy with matching panties under an iridescent organza gown covered in delicate handmade flowers; and a scarlet bustier with a dramatic floor-length layered ruffled train.
“I love anything that’s a character outfit,” she says.
“When it’s not just about being pretty.”
We’re thinking, “We hate it when it’s just about being pretty, too!” as Kurkova walks us through the backstage area where all the Angels assemble for hair, makeup and wardrobe.
And then we notice the sumptuous buffet lining the wall, untouched.
Kurkova’s – and we’re guessing millions of red-blooded American men’s – past show favorites include a sexy stewardess look, a sultry soldier and the time she got to wear the coveted million-dollar bra.
“I like the goddess look because it’s beautiful, strong and a little dangerous,” she says while holding the leather harness against her body and eyeing the assigned undies. “Oh! They’re very little!”
Too bad she’s so fat.
rmirchandani @nypost.com