GET ready for the most sensational wedding to be seen on ABC since, well, just last Thursday.
It’s the long-awaited (seven whole weeks!) wedding of Karen Darling (Natalie Zea) and her tennis-pro boy toy, Freddie (Daniel Cosgrove), tonight on “Dirty Sexy Money” (10 o’clock on Ch. 7).
It’s one of a handful of weddings this fall that are turning ABC into TV’s official network of unholy matrimony.
It’s as if a memo went out from the ABC suits to all show-runners: Please be sure to stage a wedding as soon as possible, even if your series – like “Dirty Sexy Money” – premiered only seven weeks ago and the audience barely knows the betrothed parties.
While weddings have long been a staple of TV – from daytime soaps to prime-time dramas – the current round of weddings on ABC seems to have its roots in last May’s season finale of “Grey’s Anatomy,” which ended with Dr. Burke (Isaiah Washington) jilting Dr. Yang (Sandra Oh) at the altar.
And that’s another thing about ABC’s weddings – they tend to be abortive.
Last Thursday’s wedding on “Ugly Betty” of Wilhelmina Slater (Vanessa Williams) and Bradford Meade (Alan Dale) was cut short before either party could say “I do” when Meade collapsed from a heart attack at the altar. (The episode did not reveal if he lived or died.)
The upcoming wedding on “Brothers & Sisters” of Kitty Walker (Calista Flockhart) and Robert McCallister (Rob Lowe) on Dec. 2 may or may not end with the two actually marrying. A promo running on ABC teases the possibility that Kitty runs out on the groom during the ceremony.
As for tonight’s wedding on “Dirty Sexy Money,” I won’t spoil it by revealing the outcome (I watched the episode yesterday).
But if you’re familiar with Karen Darling’s marital history (this is her fourth try), then it won’t be difficult to guess what happens tonight.
Elsewhere in the episode, Karen’s father, Tripp (Donald Sutherland), polishes off a bottle of tequila straight up, while the marriages of Nick (Peter Krause) and his wife, Kiki (Grace Moretz), and Patrick Darling (William Baldwin) and wife Ellen (Bellamy Young) are on the rocks.
Kiki’s miffed at Nick because Karen Darling has a long-standing crush on him. And Ellen’s ticked off at Patrick because someone told her Patrick has been having an affair with a transsexual.
On ABC, it seems, weddings are great, but the marriages that result from them are not.